Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave
by PersephonesNauticalNun
Summary: Set after In The Sun and The Sun And The Moon. Spencer and Ashley are back at college, and clean. But, can they stay that way? Previously called Brighter.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so I know I wasn't going to make another in this series, but you guys know how much I love things in three. I was always taught that everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That makes perfect sense to me. So, it just didn't make sense for me to stop where I had, and let's face it, the ending I gave you guys was atrocious. So, yes, this is the third part of my In The Sun series. For new readers, the order of these stories is as follows: In The Sun, The Sun And The Moon, and finally, Brighter. If you have not read the previous two, I suggest you do so before embarking on this little number, because you won't have any idea what's going on._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 1**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Spencer _

Sometimes, I can still smell the cocaine in my nostrils.

I try to think back to what my life was like before all of this happened. I try to remember life before she showed up at my doorstep, before the O.D., before the cocaine, before Ashley.

I can't do it.

The life I led a year ago seems so far away from me, now. It seems impossible that we can ever get back to that place.

If it seems impossible for me, I can only imagine how hard it is on Ashley. I don't think she's ever experienced a normal lifestyle.

There are moments in my life that I know I'll never forget. They all include Ashley. I'll never forget the first time we kissed, or made love. I'll never forget watching her slip into unconsciousness that night after finals, or leaving her alone in that hospital. I'll never forget that night in the dirty bathroom when I lashed out at her. I'll never forget the day she sang to me in the piano shop.

It's strange to think that it was only eight months ago that I was sitting in front of the campus post office, watching her walk across the courtyard every morning.

I had never noticed it, but about a month after I met her, she stopped taking those walks every morning. I guess I never noticed because I was in bed with her, not sitting out on that railing. That should have been a warning to me that something bad was going to happen. It was those morning walks that cleansed her, washed away everything negative. Without those walks, it was all going to build up, transform her into a shaken soda can, waiting to explode all over the first person to touch her.

We're back on campus, now, living in an apartment together. I know, we haven't even known each other a year, and we're already living together? It's not like that. We sleep in separate rooms. We just thought it would be healthier for both of us if we lived together, to try to keep each other on track.

I do, sometimes, miss her warmth at night. I'm just not ready to go there, yet. I'm a lot better about letting her close to me than I was when she came to my house this summer, but it's still hard. There's still this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to keep her at arms' length. I'm not saying that I'll never be okay. I just need time.

She doesn't talk much about rehab. It must have been hard on her, going through withdrawal, without any kind of help. I didn't have to go cold turkey. I was lucky.

I was always the lucky one.

Anyway, classes start in about a week, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Ashley's still a music major, but I think that's just because it's what she knows. Don't get me wrong, I know she loves it, I just get the feeling sometimes that it's not what she wants to center her life around.

She's started walking around campus again, since we got back. Sometimes I go with her, sometimes I don't. We never talk when I do go with her, though. We don't have to. It's just understood that it's a time for her to think about things, and get some sort of perspective, and if I want to accompany her while she's doing that, I'm welcome, as long as I don't interrupt it. I understand that.

I respect that.

Kelly came by the other day, and gave us a half an ounce of weed as a welcome back present. Last semester, it would already be gone, but we've only smoked one bowl out of it. It's definitely more than we need.

Kelly hasn't changed at all, and I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. On one hand, I really would like to see her clean herself up, but on the other, I really want something constant, with all the changes that have been happening, lately. I try not to think too much about it. Neither of us is around her for extended periods of time, anymore, so it doesn't really matter. She's apparently living with a girl named Josie. I vaguely remember her from the first time I was over at Ashley's apartment. Kelly had come stumbling in, Josie wrapped around her like she couldn't stand on her own two feet. I soon realized that she couldn't. I think she passed out on the living room floor about an hour later.

As for me and Ashley, well, individually we're okay. Like I said, I'm not ready to let her completely close to me, yet. Even still, I don't know what we are, if we're anything. Some days we cuddle on the couch, and even kiss. Other days, we pretend the other doesn't exist. Maybe we're just two people that have been through something traumatic, and we don't know how to let go of each other.

I guess the only thing for us to do is wait and see.


	2. Chapter 2

**Review Section**

_Whisperedrainbow: Yes, it is a bit dark. I'm glad you like that. And, I do realize that I'm good, now._

_MistyRiver17: Well, I would hate to deprive you of your presents any longer. (hands you a new chapter, all wrapped up)_

_Babygirl2006: Um, thanks. Hope you continue to think so._

_Caprisun87: Well, here's chapter two. Enjoy._

_BlackRoseOnFire: Wow, talk about weird coincidences, huh?_

_DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: You don't have to let this one go just yet. Probably after this installment, though, if the ending doesn't completely blow like the last one._

_Livinlife09: Well, here I am to continue it._

_IndieMoviePrincess: Wow._

_ResonanceOfWisdom: I really do have a thing for threes. It's quite disturbing, actually._

_Unpluggedoutlet: I'm always happy to spread the Joseph Arthur lurve._

**Author's Notes**

_For those of you confused, yes, I did change the title of this story. Why? Because I'm the author, and I'm allowed to do that. That, and I feel this title works better for the things floating in my head than the other one did. So, there. I know it's taken me a bit longer to update this one than I normally take, but my life's been crazy, in a scary, wonderful, beautiful way. So, please, while I'm dealing with these drastic and amazing changes in my life, be patient with me._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 2**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_ Ashley _

I've taken to watching the sun rise.

For some reason, that seems important to me. I'm not as familiar with it as I should be. I've always spent my waking hours at night. The moon and the stars had become my friends. It didn't even occur to me that the only reason the moon shone was because of the sun.

So, every morning, before my walk across campus, I sit out on the landing in front of our third story apartment, and watch the sun come up.

I find it fitting that I should be one of the last people in the country to see it.

The door opens and closes behind me, and I feel, rather than hear, Spencer approach. I start a moment longer at the sun, and make my way towards the stair. I don't look behind me. I don't need to. I know she's following.

We don't talk much anymore. We do, but not about what's important. I still don't know why we stopped talking. Maybe we were just tired of fighting.

The thing is, we were getting somewhere in our fights.

When we fought, we fought big, and hard. Suddenly, we were revealing truths to each other before we had even realized them ourselves.

But, I guess there's just too much bullshit between us.

Sometimes, I think this is my entire fault. I was the one who originally pushed her into talking to me. Why did I stop?

Maybe I'm afraid of what she really has to say.

Still, at least all of this is better than how things were right after I got out of rehab. At least she's not cold and distant anymore.

I'm aware of her hand wrapped around mine as we pass the music building. I don't know how long it's been there, but it makes my skin crawl. Today's going to be one of those days where everything she does rubs me the wrong way.

I move my hand from hers and wrap my arm around my chest, laying my hand gently on the shoulder she bit a month and a half ago. She winces, and I'm overwhelmed with guilt, and a perverse pleasure.

I've become something I never thought I'd be. I've become silent, and passive, making me bitter.

I walk passed the building where all of the fraternities and sororities hold their meetings, noting each decorated door as I pass. I pause for a minute in front of the Phi Lamb door, decked out in blue and gold. It occurred to me that I hadn't been to one of their parties since my first semester here. They were thinking about making me a sweetheart.

I find myself shrugging and moving on, finding no point in thinking about my life before Spencer. After everything I've gone through, there's no way I could ever go back to that place. I may be bitter, but I could never go back to the endless partying, and drinking, and smoking, and snorting. I haven't just witnessed what I can do. I've experienced it.

Even that was a joke. Everybody in rehab knew it, even the counselors. I had no business there. I wasn't caving under the weight of responsibility. I was just a spoiled little rich kid who didn't know when to quit.

Maybe I still don't know when to quit. I don't know how to let go.

Maybe that's all there is between me and Spencer.

I walk faster, trying to escape these thoughts. If I just keep moving, maybe I'll be safe from whatever's looming above me. Somehow, I know that I shouldn't let go of her, and not just because I'm afraid to. Somehow, I know I have to fight whatever's going on between us.

I have to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Review Section**

_BROOKLYNDEB: It's not empty, they just have more issues to work out. Things will get better._

_MistyRiver17: Yeah, they're a bit slow. Hope this one is faster for you._

_Ash4evr: She will. I promise._

_PJ4Eva-samdeam4ever: Alright, alright. Here's more._

_BlackRoseOnFire: I'm glad you like this title better. So, do I._

_Babygirl2006: I WILL KEEP WRITING._

_DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: Yes, I will try to make it better. Not yet, though. Later._

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so I know that the main issue here might seem like the same one from The Sun And The Moon. I promise you that it isn't. Just keep that in mind. I changed the title of this for a number of reasons. The first story was called In The Sun. The second one was called The Sun And The Moon. The sun affects the moon, and how bright it shines. What does the moon effect? The tide. It's just one big chain. Extra points to whoever figures out the artist or band behind the song Anatomy Of A Title wave, since you know it has to be a song, what with the other two being song titles._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 3**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_ Spencer _

I stood in line at the bookstore, trying to balance all the new textbooks I'd need while trying to find my school ID, when I heard a familiar voice call my name.

"Kelly!" I exclaimed, turning around, fake smile set firmly in place. "What are you doing here?"

She furrowed her brow at me, looking pointedly at the large stack of books in her own arms. "Um, buying books."

For some reason, I had serious problems wrapping my brain around this image. "You go to class?"

"Of course," she said. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Right," I said. Of course, I knew that. She must go to class at some point in time. It's just that she would seem so out of place in a classroom. "What's your major?"

"Criminal Justice."

It was then that I thought about being a theater major. Somehow, I managed to hide my astonishment, and reply with a simple, "That's cool."

"It's actually really interesting. You get to take a lot of out there subjects," she explained before we fell into silence. "Hey, Josie and I are going to a Phi Lamb party tonight. You and Ashley should come," she offered after a few moments of silence.

Up came the fake smile again. "Thanks, but we're probably going to pass."

"Hey, don't write it off just yet. They're a lot of fun."

I was about to protest, but the conversation was cut short by the cashier, demanding that I place my books on the counter and stop holding up the line.

_---South-Of-Nowhere---_

Ashley had a tendency to pull disappearing acts on me. Normally, I respect that, and leave her alone until she comes home. There are times, however, that she disappears in moments when I really need her around. This was one of those moments.

It's hard to explain why I needed her. I don't even think I know. It was just this undeniable need that filled me up, and I thought I might explode if I didn't see her soon.

The only problem was that Ashley was really good at hiding when she didn't want to be found.

There were a number of places I could have checked, and I checked them all. I searched the Music building; ignoring the looks I was getting from the music majors who knew I wasn't one of them. I walked the entire nature trail, even going down the smaller paths to see if she was by any of the benches. I even went as far as to check the Visual and Performing Arts building, and the Auditorium. Still no sign of Ashley.

There had to be somewhere I hadn't checked, yet.

I found myself leaning against a tree for support as I realized where she was. Could I have been so stupid?

It was a humid day. Summer was trying to get its last word in before fall took over. Walking across campus was not going to be pleasant. Oh, well. It's not like I wasn't already sweating from my search.

Several minutes of walking found me in the wonderfully air conditioned library. I moved passed the row of books silently, my feet moving by themselves, even though I had only been to my destination a few times.

The door to the music library was open, and I leaned against the doorjamb, taking in my surroundings. The room hadn't changed, except there seemed to be more music scores overflowing from the shelves.

Ashley was sitting in the far corner of the room, headphones on, hunched over the desk in front of her. I had only been standing there a few seconds when she turned to me, as if she knew I was there.

I crossed the distance between us and leaned against the desk next to her. Her eyes never left mine until I got there, when she lowered her head and removed her headphones.

"What are you listening to?" I asked, stuck for conversation, despite the fact that I was the one who tracked her down.

She shook her head, keeping her eyes downward. "Nothing of interest."

This response didn't bother me as much as it should have, and that scared me. "Well, hey, look. Kelly invited us to a party tonight."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, and rested her chin in her hand. I realized just how tired she had seemed, lately. "Do you want to go?" she asked.

The truth was, I did want to go. I know that doesn't make sense, but that doesn't alter the fact that I did want to go. "Kind of."

She looked up at me for the first time since I came in. "Then, you should go."

"What? But, this is Kelly we're talking about." I honestly didn't expect this kind of an answer. I expected her to freak out, and start calling Kelly bad names, and rant about how we're so much higher than she is.

But, I guess we're not.

"Look, if you came here wanting me to talk you out of it, you're out of luck. If you want to go, then I want you to. It might be good for you to go out and meet people that aren't me."

"Wait, so you're not coming, too?"

She lowered her gaze again, and shook her head softly. "I'm tired, Spence."

Somehow, I knew she wasn't speaking in the physical sense, and the conversation had just taken a heavier turn. I was terrified of asking my next question, but I knew that if I didn't, everything was over, anyway. "Of what?'

I listened to her breathe for a few minutes. I got the feeling that it was the only thing she could do at the moment. "This," she said at last. "Us."

"Are you breaking up with me?" I wouldn't have been surprised if she did. Even I was tired of what was going on between us. Or rather, what wasn't.

"Are we even together?"

I didn't know the answer to that question. I only knew what I wanted, and I couldn't speak for her. "I want to be."

"So, do I," she admitted, and I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. "But, this whole 'not talking' thing isn't a relationship."

"We talk," but even as the words came out, I knew I was lying.

"Yeah," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "We talk about the weather."

"It's not like we talked before, either. We just fought all the time."

"Don't you get it?" she asked, her voice rising. "At least when we were fighting, we said what we needed to."

My eyes wandered to the window, and I noticed a few heads turning in our direction. "Could we not talk about this now, please?"

"See? This is what I'm talking about. Every time things start to come out, you run away."

I lowered my voice, hoping she'd take the hint and follow my lead. "I just don't want to make a scene."

"Fine," she said, standing up and closing the door. "This room's soundproof. No scene."

I slowly made my way over to her, almost as if I was afraid she'd lash out at me, which is silly, considering I'm the only one who's known to lash out. "I'm not the only one who pulls away, Ash," I said calmly, even though I was shaking.

Before she had a chance to respond, I pushed passed her, leaving the music library, and leaving her with her self-righteousness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Review Section**

_SpenceXAsh: Yeah, I suppose things do seem dismal. Stick with me, though. You know I never let them get into SERIOUS trouble. does seem to be home to some… lesser authors, doesn't it?_

_Blank: Well, you won't have to wait any longer._

_MistyRiver17: I'd hate to keep you in suspense. You're the one who's been with me since story one._

_UALreadyLuvMe: Yeah, you missed out on being the first one. But, I'm glad you like the way I bring the song and story together._

_DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: How about some almost consummation?_

_Whisperedrainbow: Yes, they're both right, in their own little ways. Lots of stuff going on underneath the surface, don't you think?_

_Yo gurl Jackie: Hmmm. Are you on crack? Or are you a complete moron?_

_ResonanceOfWisdom: You can bet they'll work it out eventually. There will just be a lot of angst between now and then._

_BlackRoseOnFire: Well, you're not the first one to guess the artist. That went to someone over on the Spashley boards. As a consolation prize, how about an update? Also, you quoted one of the paragraphs, but you didn't say anything about it. I assume that since you quoted it, you liked it?_

_Ash4evr: Here is more._

_1337 RAINBOWSTAR: Trilogy of Awesomeness, eh? That's fantastic._

**Author's Notes**

_Sorry this has taken me a while to get up. I've had a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it in. I'll be taking a little hiatus from both fics after this chapter, simply because I already want to kill all of the characters. I've also found out just how hard it is to switch from third person back to first person in short periods of time. Writing two fics at the same time probably wasn't the best idea I've come up with._

**Disclaimer**

_I do not own the South crew. They belong to Tom Lynch. I do, however, own the professors talked about in this chapter._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 4**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_ Ashley _

I was powerless over the moan that escaped my throat as Spencer slipped her hand under my shirt, and her teeth bit gently into my earlobe.

My eyes fluttered open, and the first thing my eyes saw was the display of my digital clock. Three in the morning. I had to be awake in a few hours. Classes were starting.

Still, I hadn't realized how much I had missed this. I felt that painful, prickling sensation flow across my skin, waking my body after being numb for the past month. I felt myself slowly giving in to the woman blazing a wet trail down my neck, and turn my head to find her lips with mine.

I couldn't help my body's natural reaction to push her away violently, as my lips met her sticky ones, and her rancid tongue, bitter with alcohol, snaked into my mouth.

"Jesus Christ, Spence," I exclaimed, trying to ignore the hurt look in her eyes. "What did you do at that party?"

I got up from the bed and turned to look at her, finally realizing just how fucked up she was. "I did what you normally do at a party. What's the problem?" she asked, lopsided grin falling into place where the pained expression had just been. "You're the one who told me to go."

"I told you to go, Spence, not get wasted the night before classes start." I was floundering. Any normal person would have taken this as a sign to get out of my bed, but Spencer just lay there, making no attempt to move.

"Relax," she said, laying her head on my pillow. "All I need to do is sweat it out."

"No, you need to sleep," I explained, pulling open a drawer in my nightstand and pulling the small bag of weed taped underneath it from its hiding place. "Go drink some water, lots of it. Then roll yourself a joint and pass out."

I forced the weed into her hand and pulled her out of my bed. Her face was unreadable, but I got the distinct impression that she was disappointed. Whether she was disappointed in me, or herself, I didn't know.

My body slumped to the floor, my back pressed firmly against the door as I heard to door to Spencer's room shut, followed by the occasional click of a lighter. I stared blankly ahead, not really seeing anything, the numbness washing back over my body.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

It was hard to believe Trana was gone. He was one of those professors that seemed to have been there forever, and always would be.

No one knew exactly what happened, but the rumors around the Music building said that the head of the music department got tired of him failing everyone. Instead of giving in, and lowering his standards, he just left. Sure, he was a hard ass, but he had reason to fail the kids he did.

I knocked on the door to his old office; the words "Dr. A. Rizner" scrolled where Trana's used to be, and waited to be allowed admittance for my first private lesson of the semester.

"Come in," a soft, female voice filtered through the barrier.

Inside, bent over a piano, and making marks on a music score, sat Dr. Rizner. She was a lot younger than I expected, probably just out of college. "Ashley, right?" she asked, pointing at me, eyes never leaving the notes in front of her.

"Yes, ma'am," I said, shifting uncomfortably. "Ashley Davies."

Her head snapped up, and I felt her eyes travel over my body, as if trying to pass early judgment on me. "Amazing Grace," she said. "Go."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? "Excuse me?"

"Amazing Grace. Sing," she instructed, looking at me as though I should have known that. I must be a mind read, and someone forgot to tell me. "I need to see where you're at."

Without any kind of introduction, or accompaniment, I began to sing. It made sense, in a way, to have me sing an old standard, but I still felt a little silly doing it.

I had only gotten a few bars into it when she started waving her hands wildly in the air, trying to get me to stop. "I'm not buying it."

"What?" This woman's vagueness was beginning to irritate me.

"You're not making me believe it."

"Well, with all due respect, I don't believe in god." How was I supposed to make other people believe something, when I didn't even believe it?

"Really? Neither do I. That doesn't mean I have to sit through a lifeless performance." Before I could even open my mouth to protest, she continued. "All Major and Minor scales, including Harmonic and Melodic forms, starting on C. Now."

"Do I get a starting pitch?"

"No. You should be able to do this."

"I don't have perfect pitch," I explained. I had relative pitch, but that wasn't nearly good enough to do what she was asking.

"Then, you've just found your jury assignment," she said. "You will perform all of your scales, without a starting pitch, in your jury at the end of the semester, or you will fail this class."

The muscles in my jaw slackened, my mind incapable of forming any coherent words of reason to tell this woman.

"Get out of here," she told me with a jerk of her head towards the door. "See you next week."


	5. Chapter 5

**Review Section**

_Waiting-for-the-one: This site is a butthead, and your link or address didn't show up. Might I suggest typing where you think I should post in a (www dot fanfiction dot net) format? Aside from that, I'm glad that you like my writing, and if all goes well, Spencer and Ashley will eventually get back on the right track. Just not yet._

_Darkredeyes: I'm glad you're enjoying them so far._

_Whisperedrainbow: Meh. Get used to it. Professors don't allow for too much wiggle room. At least, mine didn't._

_MistyRiver17: Slowly but surely, they're getting where they should be._

_Southismyantidrug07: Really? You would have told off your professor? You would have told off someone that has control over your grades? Grades that you have to have in order to graduate and make a life for yourself? You're either incredibly brave, or incredibly stupid._

_Ash4evr: Nah. The hard time is mainly going to stay in the classroom._

_BlackRoseOnFire; Ssh, stop giving away my plotline._

_DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: I was a music major at one point in time. I wasn't a vocal major, but I had to take all the same classes that a vocal major has to take. I just substituted vocal private lessons for oboe private lessons. I know how it all works._

_Yo gurl Jackie: There are no words for you._

**Author's Notes**

_Okay, so it's taken me some time to get this chapter up, (my computer crashed, I had limited internet access, and I'm writing another fic) and I'm sure some of you are going to be disappointed with it. As much as it seems like filler, I promise you that it isn't. There is a point to this chapter; it's just a bit hidden. I will also not directly discuss what happens at parties and pledge events. There are a few reasons for this. One, it's not part of Spencer or Ashley's story. Their stories revolve around each other. There will be things that happen during these parties, but the important ones will be discussed after the fact. The second reason, is that I'm not actually allowed to talk about fraternities / sororities and their pledge events. This was a code that I swore to, and I will not break that promise._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 5**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Spencer _

I was frustrated. I was frustrated, but in an odd sense I felt like I deserved it. A few months ago, Ashley dropped everything, went to rehab, and flew out to Ohio to try to make things better with me. She tried to make things better, and I was cold and distant, and I hurt her so badly before we were able to reach some middle ground.

I thought everything would be okay after we reached that middle ground, but I was wrong.

So, I couldn't fault her when she pushed me away the other night. I shouldn't have tried to force myself on her. We haven't talked about it, but I don't think we need to. It's just understood that it happened, and there's nothing either one of us can do to change that.

I just wish I knew what I could do to make things go back to the way we were.

I wish I knew how to make her love me again.

So, I sit out here, in the nature trail, in the middle of the night when she's asleep, and try to figure out how to accomplish that seemingly impossible task. She was always a light sleeper, so I know she hears me coming in and out, but she never asks about it.

I think that frustrates me more than anything. She doesn't ask me. She doesn't seem to care.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

"Spencer!"

"Aiden, hey!" I exclaim, turning around to greet him, pushing my bag higher on my shoulder. I had just gotten out of my last class for the day, and oddly enough, I wanted to get a head start on my homework.

"That was a crazy party this weekend, wasn't it?"

I nodded slightly, still distracted by the weight of my bag. "Yeah, I guess it was. I don't think I've seen that many people shoved into one apartment."

I watched as he laughed at that, nodding his agreement. "Yeah. Phi Lamb parties are always a little cramped," he explained. After a few months of silence, he continued, "Hey, I'm sorry about what happened with Madison."

Madison. I had heard so much about her, but that past weekend was the first time I had met her. I then knew why everyone told me I didn't want to meet her. There was no one more possessive, jealous, or bitchy on the face of the earth. She had chewed my head off just for talking to Aiden. "Hey, girls get jealous. No big deal."

"Glad to hear it," he said, and I genuinely believed him. He actually seemed relieved that I wasn't pissed off. "Why didn't Ashley come?"

"Well, you know, after everything that happened last year, I think she's just trying to focus on school right now. Supposedly, her new vocal instructor is a real hard ass."

"Worse than Trana? I remember hearing horror stories about him."

"Oh, yeah," I said, nodding. Actually, I didn't know if she was worse than Trana. I knew that Ashley didn't care for her, but that was the extent of my knowledge. It shocked me that I didn't really know. She used to talk more to me about that kind of thing. Granted, we don't talk much anymore, but I thought she'd at least talk about her professors.

"But, hey," he said, quickly changing topic, "we're having a pledge event this weekend, and the we were wondering if you'd come."

I had to stop for a second. That didn't make any sense. "You guys are a fraternity. What would a girl possibly do at a fraternity pledging event?"

"Well, we like the Sweethearts to be there to kind of keep an eye on the pledges while the members are having their meeting."

"Wait a minute, you guys want me to be a Sweetheart?" I asked, grinning despite myself. I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to be a Sweetheart. Supposedly, those girls had a bit of a reputation, but I was still incredibly flattered.

"Several of the guys are seriously considering it. Myself included."

"Well, tell you what," I said, heaving my slipping bag higher on my shoulder again. "If I manage to get all my homework finished before then, I'll go."

"Sweet!" he exclaimed, before telling me he had to go. We said our goodbyes, and I turned back to the task of getting to my apartment with my arm still attached to my body. I did notice, however, an extra little bounce in my step.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes**

_Okay, so I did not expect this chapter to be as long as it is. I was writing, and it just kind of kept coming. I hope you enjoy it._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 6**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Ashley_

A week of classes had gone by. My life was surprisingly dull. I was normally neck deep in social stuff by now. Then again, Spencer seemed to be doing enough partying for the both of us. Not only was she going to the Phi Lamb parties, but now they were considering making her a Sweetheart. Well, good for her, I guess. I'm glad that she's finally coming out of her shell with people other than myself; I just wish she'd be careful.

Then again, I haven't told her everything I know about the Phi Lambs. All in all they're good guys. They like to have a good time. I'm just afraid that their idea of a good time and Spencer's idea of a good time are two completely different things.

Spencer's a big girl, though. She made that perfectly clear the last time I had mentioned that all I wanted to do was protect her. I guess, if you try to keep things from happening to people, then nothing will happen to them. That's no way to live.

"So, your girl's pretty wild."

My brain registered a voice that I hadn't heard in months. I had seen the face, though, every time I had Astronomy. I moved my pen from between my teeth and tapped it on my notebook a few times. "What do you want, Madison?" I knew that Madison and Spencer were spending some time together. Not necessarily in a friendly way, but they were going to the same parties and such.

"I just want to make sure you know who you're shacking up with. Then again, I should have known you'd find another junkie."

Something spiked in me, then. Aside from the occasional weed, Spencer and I were clean. Madison didn't know Spencer when she was a cokehead, so where was this coming from? "What are you talking about?"

"The pledge event? Don't tell me you don't know."

Spencer had gone to a Phi Lamb pledge event. Big deal. I've been to those myself. All the girls did was sit outside the meeting room and make sure the Pledges didn't try to eavesdrop. After that, it was usually out to the lake for some good old partying and hazing. There were drugs sometimes, but only a few of the guys did that. The fraternity was basically split into two groups. The potheads, and the alcoholics. Personally, I thought the potheads were the smarter of the two. They were quiet, and didn't get the cops called. Even so, why is smoking some weed so wild, and why did it make her a junkie?

I didn't have much time to think about that, though, because the professor entered the classroom, turned off the lights, and turned on his big projector displaying the sky at night. I made sure my digital recorder was doing its job, and settled back in my seat, pretending to look at the stars, and let his monotone lecturing lull me into a light sleep.

**_---South-Of-Nowhere---_**

"You fucking bitch!" I practically yelled, most of the sentence coming out before I even got the door open.

"Well, that's one way to speak to a person practically holding your future in their hands," Dr. Rizner responded calmly, not looking up from her ever-present score.

"Sorry," I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably. Under normal circumstances, I never would have dreamed of talking to this woman that way. Okay, maybe I would, but I wouldn't use the profanity. These were not normal circumstances.

"Don't be. It's refreshing to see someone speak their mind, and treat me as an equal." I watched as she made a few more notes on her piece of music, before finally looking up at me. "So, tell me. Why am I a fucking bitch?"

I didn't know how to react to that. "I didn't mean it, I just…"

"Shut up," she said, cutting me off. "You did mean it. Now, stop being a pussy, and tell me why."

"Fine," I said, flopping myself into one of the few chairs in her office. "I was having a conversation with some other vocal majors. Apparently, I'm the only one you're forcing to perform their scales without a starting pitch."

"Are you saying you can't do it?"

I found myself blinking at her for a few seconds. "No," I answered at last. I had seen a challenge hiding somewhere in her eyes, and I wasn't about to back down. Besides, after practicing for just a week, my pitch was already improving. "I just want to know why you expect more from me than the other students."

She got up from her desk and walked over to a filing cabinet in the corner of the room. "The answer's very simple, Ashley," she said, pulling out two envelopes; one giant, the other tiny. "You see, Trana kept records on all his students. Most of them are in this envelope," she explained, pointing to the fat one. "The special ones, however, go in this one," she said, lifting the other envelope and handing it to me. "You'll note that there are only two names in there. And it's just their names. No notes. Apparently, he didn't have the words for these students."

She sat on the edge of her desk as my fingers fiddled with the flap of the envelope. For some reason, my hands just didn't seem to be cooperating with me. When I finally got it open, I pulled out two index cards. My eyes widened as I read the name scrawled across the first one, and my head shot up towards my new professor.

She closed her eyes and nodded slowly. "That's right. I was taught by Trana."

My eyes shifted back to the index card held in my hand, and I thought back to the year before, and my lessons with Dr. Trana. "You were the Ashley he kept talking about," I said, mostly to myself.

"Well, I imagine that if he talked about an Ashley that wasn't you, he was talking about me," she said, before we both got quiet. I wanted to look at the next index card, but at the same time, I was afraid to. "Go ahead," she said. "Look at the next one."

I took a deep breath and moved the card with Dr. Rizner's name on it behind the next one. I knew what was written there before I even got to it, but somehow, seeing it there for real managed to knock the wind out of me.

"Ashley Davies."

"That," she said, going back to her chair, "is why I'm not having the other vocal majors do what you're doing. They're not you."

We sat there in silence as I stared down at the index card with my name on it. Finally, I replaced the two pieces of paper back in the envelope and slid them onto her desk. "So," I started, trying to sound casual, "do you want to hear how my scales are coming, or what?"

"You're a big girl. You're more than capable of practicing your assignments on your own time. No, I've been thinking about your recital."

"You have a piece in mind?"

"Actually, no. That's why I've been thinking. You see, I've gone through last year's recital tapes," she stopped talking, and looked directly at me, trying to decide if she should continue. I guess she decided to go on with her train of thought. "You have a very simple problem, though it's not one easily fixed."

"What do you mean?" I asked, blinking.

She turned her palms up on her desk, her brow furrowing. "Ashley, you know what you're doing. Your breathing is correct, your phrasing is right, your intonation is spot on."

"So, then what's the problem?"

"Your performances lack any kind of emotion."

That floored me. I always thought I had put everything I had into my performances. Maybe I just didn't have anything. "Look, I've been going through some stuff lately, and…"

"I don't want to hear it," she said, cutting me off again and shaking her head. "What I want to do is feel it. So, that's why for your recital, you will be performing an original piece."

"What?" This woman wanted me to get up in front of her, all the other music professors on campus, and my fellow music majors, and perform one of my own songs? Was she on crack?

"You've had a year of piano, and a year of theory. You're fully capable of writing your own composition. I don't expect it to be Mozart. Technicality isn't what I'm looking for here."

Coherent words left me. I know noises were coming out of my mouth, but I don't think any of them formed a full sentence.

"You can do this, Ashley," she said, I assume trying to calm me down. "Just make me feel it."


	7. Chapter 7

**Review Section**

_DreadGRL: Well, as a matter of fact, I have two original projects going at the moment that I hope to someday get published._

_Lostcause08: Wow, you read all three of them in one night? You should get a cookie._

_5by5: I love your name. You should just know that._

_DeputayJane: Me? Argue? Never. I just tell the stupid people that they're stupid in ways that completely go over their heads. It's fun for me._

_Dukefan32: Who said anything about not continuing? Look, see? New chapter._

_MistyRiver17: Hey, real life comes first._

_Whisperedrainbow: As I've explained before, music is pretty much in my blood. I have to know a lot about it. It was just convenient that Ashley had expressed going into music in the show._

_Darkredeyes: Ew, no teacher hooking up with. That's just weird._

_DurtiPr3ttyGrrl: It's probably going where you think it's going. And, Ashley writing her own recital piece will help with a number of things. Stop giving away my plotline!_

_BlackRoseOnFire: Yeah, I totally stole that line from Finding Nemo. No clue why, either. It just kind of fit. And, I like Dr. Rizner, too._

**Author's Notes**

_It's taken me a while to get this up. Sorry about that. I particularly like this chapter. You guys won't. Still no Spashley fluff, but we're getting there._

**Disclaimer:**

_I do not own South Of Nowhere. Tom Lynch does. I'm just borrowing his characters for a while. I also do not own the lyrics used in this chapter. They're part of "A Different Kind Of Pain" by Cold._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 7**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

Spencer 

Ashley seemed to have become a permanent fixture on our living room couch. When she wasn't in class, or sleeping, she was there, working furiously on some piece of music, probably making it up as she went along.

I wish I could say that things were back to normal between us, but that would be a lie. Things were anything but normal with us. We still weren't talking much, and when we did speak, it was almost as if it was strained civility. I didn't think either of us wanted to be rude to the other, we just wanted to be left alone.

I think we both knew that, too, so I was completely baffled as to why we kept trying. Or rather, why I kept trying.

About a month into the semester, I found myself becoming surprisingly bold, and flopping myself down on the couch, nestling my head in her lap, and asking her what she was working on.

She made a small grunting noise, that I took to mean some kind of annoyance at being interrupted, but other than that, she didn't react. I took that as a good sign. She wasn't recoiling from my close proximity; she just wanted to keep working on her music. "Recital piece," she said, as if that explained everything.

Actually, that just confused me more. I assumed it was something for theory, since that was the only one out of bazillion music classes that required her to have staff paper and write things out. "I thought your professor picked those out for you," I said, sure that I was right, yet still searching my memory for things she might have told me in the past.

"Crazy bitch wants me to write one," she explained, still not bothering to look at me once during this entire conversation. That was something I couldn't stand any longer. I got up and made my way over to the refrigerator, opening the door, but not really looking for anything. I needed something to do with myself, and sitting there, letting her ignore me was not that something.

"Good luck," I told her, my head buried in the fridge that didn't have much in it.

"Spencer."

Something about the way she said it made my heart skip a beat. I hadn't heard her say my name like that in long time. It wasn't filled with love, but it wasn't cruel. Most of all, it wasn't indifferent. It was serious. There was something serious going on, and she wanted to talk to me about it. Slowly, I shut the door to the fridge and turned around, setting my hand on the kitchen counter.

Her ever-present pad of staff paper was placed on the table, and she was sitting on the edge of the couch, looking directly at me. "Did something happen at that pledge event you went to a while back?" she asked, cautiously.

Okay, that wasn't what I was expecting. "Not really. Why?"

She tore her gaze away from me, and looked at the floor, shaking her head, almost as if she was trying to rid any doubt from it. "Nothing. Just something Madison had said."

Madison. Uh-oh. I started to panic, certain I was about to be caught in a lie. "What did Madison say?"

"Just something about you being a junkie," she explained with a wave of her hand, apparently writing the whole thing off to Madison being, well, Madison.

It was then that I decided to grow a conscience. I don't understand it myself. All I know, is that one minute, I was lying to her, and hoping to get away with it, but as soon as I saw that she was willing to take my word, the ability to lie to her flew out the window.

I took a few steps forward, abandoning the safety of anything to hold onto, like the counter. "Look," I started. "Something did happen."

If you didn't know Ashley, you wouldn't have guessed that anything had changed. But, as soon as I said those words, she immediately went on the defensive, for several reasons. The first being that I just lied to her. The second being that she was preparing herself for whatever was coming. Her eyes had a harsh edge to them, and her shoulders had tensed up.

And, I couldn't blame her.

She looked at me. Just looked at me, waiting for me to tell her the truth. So, when it looked like neither of us was going anywhere, I told her. "I had a few lines of coke, but that was it, I swear." I don't know why I bothered to throw that in there. A few lines were already too much. I knew that.

"A few lines," she said quietly, and I noticed that her teeth were clenched. At further inspection, I realized that she was shaking, as well. "A few lines," she said louder, standing up, her fists balled up tightly.

There was nothing I could do. I had to diffuse the situation, but I didn't know how. "Look, I know that…"

"No, you don't know anything!" she yelled, cutting me off. "God, Spencer, what the fuck is wrong with you?" I honestly didn't know. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't put it into words. Not yet, anyway.

I couldn't decide if she was angrier about the coke, or about me lying to her. Right now, it was probably about the coke, but the lying wouldn't go unpunished. I tried to say something, but nothing came out. Nothing would have made it better, anyway. I watched hopelessly as she punched a fist into the wall. She didn't hit it hard enough to hurt it, or herself, but I had still never seen her that angry. Still, I somehow knew that I was safe. Even after this, she wouldn't hurt me.

And, then she was gone. I was left with the sound of the door slamming reverberating around the small apartment and her pad of staff paper lying neatly on the coffee table. For reasons I could never explain, I went over and looked at what she was doing. I didn't understand music very well, but the notes seemed to arc out in a sorrowful pattern. I flipped through the pages until I found a sheet of notebook paper with what looked to be lyrics scrawled in her handwriting.

Before I let you go  
Give me just one more night to show you just how I feel  
I lost all my control  
If it take my whole damn life I'll make this up to you

Funny. That's exactly how I was feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Review Section**

_Kaia Moonchild: I believe someone once referred to it as "The Trilogy Of Awesomeness," but "fucking awesome" works, too._

_MistyRiver17: You have got to stop giving away my plot lines, but at least you're not as bad as another reviewer._

_5by5: Songs can do so much._

_Myung: Reconciliation? Not quite._

_BlackRoseOnFire: Don't worry. The lyrics made me sad, too._

_Ash4evr: Spashley went on vacation._

**Author's Notes**

_Sorry it's taken me so long to get this up. I got wrapped up in my new fic, and real life kicked my ass, and I still want to kill Spencer and Ashley in this story. Don't worry. I will suppress that urge. Anyway, this chapter ends sadly. Just bear in mind that it is NOT the end. There is still hope._

**Disclaimer**

_Yeah, I don't own anyone. Well, except Dr. Rizner. I own her._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 8**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Ashley_

After several lessons with Dr. Rizner, most of her behavior ceased to amaze me. Still, I was a little put off when she cut me off halfway through the first chorus of my recital piece. She wanted to hear what I had so far. How can she hear it if she doesn't even listen to the whole thing?

"So, what's wrong this time?" I asked, a smile on my face to show her I was kidding with her.

She studied me for a moment, her arms crossed and her head tilted slightly. I was reminded a bit of the way Spencer always tilted her head, and the thought saddened me. I had no idea what to do about her. Things weren't great, but they were tolerable. Now, we skirt around each other. Well, more like she skirts around me.

"You're tired of apologizing."

"Hmm?" My eyes snapped back to hers, officially pulled from my thoughts of Spencer.

She came and sat next to me on the piano bench, studying the piece of music in front of her. "Ashley, this whole piece is about how sorry you are, and how you want to make it up to whoever it's written to. But, the way you sing it..."

"The way I sing it...?" I prompted, anxious for the rest of the sentence.

"It sounds as if you don't think you should have to. Almost as if you feel you're the guilty party."

I felt my head drop slightly as the weight of what she said hit me. In a sense, I knew she was right, but that didn't mean I was ready to let go of my guilt just yet. After all, if I hadn't introduced Spencer to my world, none of it would have happened in the first place. "But, it is my fault," I started to explain.

"Hey," Dr. Rizner interrupted. "I'm not your therapist. I don't need to know, and I don't want to. Besides, I'll know at the recital... with your new piece."

* * *

I had a month and a half to write an entirely new recital piece. Not pleasant. I tried to get Dr. Rizner to push back my recital date, but she was determined to make me get it over with at the soonest opportunity so I could focus the second half of the semester on my scales. The thing was, my scales were already so much better. I could do all the major and minor scales without a starting pitch. I just got a little messed up when it came to the harmonic and melodic forms of the minor.

Well, at least she wasn't trying to get me to do jazz scales.

I could probably count on one hand how many stilted conversations Spencer and I had in that time period. It was all "Do you know how cold it is outside?" and "Could you get me a beer since you're up?"

There was a conversation the night before my recital, though, and while it was still stilted, I think it has some importance. Spencer had sat down on the coffee table facing me, a serious look on her face. "Why haven't I heard your recital piece, yet?" she asked.

"I wasn't aware you wanted to hear it," I said, meeting her eyes.

"Of course I would," she said, placing her hand on my knee. There was a moment of warmth, but it quickly went away. "Even though things aren't really good right now, I love you, and I want to support you."

I could do nothing but sit there and stare at her. I hadn't heard those words in two months. It felt really weird hearing them now, after everything that had happened this semester. "I can't do this," I said after finally finding my voice, and stood up to go to my room.

"Ashley," she said, standing up as well. "Can't we at least try to talk this out? I miss you."

Funny. I missed me, too. "I don't think we can."

"So, what?" she asked, anger seeping into her voice. "We just continue on the path we're on?"

"No," I said, lowering my eyes. "We get off of it."

"Are you leaving me?" The anger was completely gone, only to be replaced by sadness, fear, and a bit of the Spencer I used to know.

"What are we holding on for, Spence? A bunch of bad history? This just isn't right, anymore." I finally got the courage to look up. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but what I saw definitely wasn't it. In front of me stood Spencer, her hands balled up into fists, her eyes watering, and anger radiating off her in waves. I knew why she was angry, too. She was angry that I wouldn't give this a chance.

I was angry, too.

"Fine," she said through clenched teeth. "I'll go stay a couple of nights at Aiden's, until our RA can switch me with someone else. Of course, this late in the semester, I'm not sure how well that'll work."

"You don't have to. You have your own room."

"Oh, and what would you suggest, Ashley? You want me to stay here, and run into you every morning and every night, wanting to rip your head off, and make love to you at the same time?"

"You still want to do that?" I asked, my brows furrowed in confusion. I never imagined she still felt anything toward me. Not after the coke incident.

"Yes!" she said, her voice a loud, severe whisper. "Only I guess it's one-sided."

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't one-sided, and that I still thought about her that way, too. Only I couldn't, because it was all, still so wrong. The lines of coke at the party was the last betrayal. Or maybe it was the first. Either way, it was the worst kind of betrayal, and I just couldn't say the things I needed to say.

Instead, the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "I can't do this." Then, I turned, went into my room and shut the door behind me.

I could hear Spencer go into her room, shuffle things around, and then leave the apartment. For the first time since we met, I was finally alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Review Section**

_Ash4evr: I agree._

_BlackRoseOnFire: I actually had a professor say that to me. Now, I wasn't trying to tell him about my life. He had just mentioned it in passing during my first private lesson with him, because he was talking about how if I didn't go to his class I'd fail. I almost did, too._

_Yo gurl Jackie: You hope they stay to get who?_

_Myung: Oh, I wish to do much more than slap them…_

_Silentromantik: It's kind of the other way around._

_.ashes.rising.: Well, I'm glad to say the part you're looking forward to is finally upon us._

_MistyRiver17: The lack of passion in this story is probably due to the fact that it's become frustrating to write, and almost like beating a dead horse._

_Kaia Moonchild: Sorry for distracting you during your project. Hope you don't have anything going tonight._

**Author's Notes**

_This is the chapter you've all been waiting for, folks. Yes, this is the climax of the story. One more chapter to go, followed by the epilogue, and then I can finally put this baby to rest. It's about damn time, too._

**Disclaimer**

_I still don't own anything, though I really need to, because if it were up to me, Aiden would have been gone a long time ago._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter 9**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Spencer_

I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I wasn't. That's the only way I can explain why I did what I did. All I knew was that it felt like a huge part of me was gone. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved. Somehow, a giant pressure was released from my body that I didn't even know was there. It was like being with Ashley was suffocating, but in a good way. Even though I could breathe again, it didn't make up for the fact that I just felt so… empty.

So, I went to Ashley's recital, if only to see her in her element, when she was completely vulnerable, and her walls were down. I hadn't seen her that way in so long, and the temptation to witness it again was just too much.

I didn't want her to see me. I knew if she did, all of her walls would go up, and it would completely defeat the purpose of going in the first place. I managed to camouflage myself in a swarm of music majors as they entered the music building, and into the tiny auditorium where semester recitals were held. I immediately placed myself in the back of the hall, covering my face with a program, making a big deal out of studying who would be performing what that day.

She was about halfway down the list, so I settled myself back into my seat, getting ready to listen to faceless people sing in foreign languages, and play instruments to songs written by old gay men.

I had only been to one music recital before, but that was enough to tell me how this worked. The people performing would always sit in the front row, waiting for their turn, and today was no different. From my vantage point, I could clearly make out Ashley's lithe frame, her head bowed in concentration. I imagined her playing with the tips of her fingers, I nervous habit I had picked up on, but very few people knew she had.

I wish I could talk about the people who went before her. I wish I could say whether they were good or not, but I can't. I was too busy watching Ashley, wishing I was sitting closer to her, and calming her nerves.

Ashley doesn't like to look at people during recitals. They're supposed to give a small bow at the end of their piece to the audience, but that was the most she ever acknowledged the room. I was never more thankful for that than I was that day. I was free to watch her go up the steps onto the stage and sit herself neatly at the piano. She didn't look up once during her trip up there, and when she sang, she kept her eyes slightly raised, as if looking off into a horizon only she could see.

_It's when my world comes down  
You want to change your little ways  
Tomorrow's another start  
But it looks like every day_

My breath caught in my throat at the words echoing around the room. This was different than any other time I had heard her sing. This was so much more powerful. She wasn't singing some pre-written song that happened to be stuck in her head. She was singing something she had written herself, and believed in.

And, I knew it was about me.

_You can't imagine how  
I wished that you could be the one  
Inside you were not the same  
But you look like everyone_

Our eyes locked when she was finished. The one time she looked at the crowd, and she managed to find me. I don't know what I saw in her eyes. They were so clouded, and dark, yet at the same time, I had never seen them more bright.

The eye contact was lost, and she left the stage, moving back to her seat in the front row, not sparing me a second glance. As quietly as I could, I moved through the back row, and left. There was nothing more for me to see.

I walked for a while, just around campus. I had classes, but there was no point in going to any of them. Not that day, anyway. I wouldn't have gotten much out of the lessons. I passed by the room where I had Art Appreciation the previous semester, and stopped by the music library. I walked through the nature trail, and sat on the rail outside the post office, looking out over the court yard for a very long time.

Yet, I still managed to find my way back to her apartment before she did. Official switches hadn't been made, yet, so it was still, technically, my apartment, too, and I still had the key. I made my way inside, setting the key on the coffee table, and sat on the couch, waiting.

_It's like a tidal wave  
That wants to take the stars  
A hurricane  
That wrapped around my heart  
If I could find a way  
I'd make a brand new start  
I can't believe  
It was the calm that killed the storm_

I lost track of how long I had been sitting there. It didn't matter, anyway. There was nowhere else for me to be. The only thing I knew was that it was already dark outside by the time the front door opened, and Ashley walked in.

We had a habit of trying to stare down each other. It was as if we were playing a game of chess, and we were trying to read each other's body language to help us out maneuver the other. We looked at each other for a very long time, as we had done so often in the past.

'Why'd you come, today?" she asked after what felt like hours of silence, her face the same stony, cold mask it had been when she saw me at her recital.

I couldn't have answered that question, even if an answer existed, because that wasn't the point. It didn't matter why I went, only that I was there, and for the first time in a long time, I understood Ashley, and where she was coming from. "You're right," I said, gently. "I'm sorry."

I could tell from her body language that she was trying not to scoff, or laugh at me. I couldn't remember a time I had ever seen her so rigid. I watched as she moved over to the kitchen area, bracing herself against the counter, her back to me. "For what?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Somehow, I found myself moving towards her, and wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. If it was possible, she stiffened even further, but made no move to pull away. "For everything. For the silence, for the coke. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter, anymore," she said, while trying to pull away. I just held onto her tighter, certain that if I let her go this time, she would be lost to me forever. "Let go, Spence."

"No."

_Inside you broke my heart  
And took a little piece of me  
Maybe one day we'll try again  
But it won't even be the same_

Then, before either of us knew what was happening, she was facing me, and our lips were touching. It was like we were freshmen again, discovering each other for the first time. It was how it used to be, and how it was supposed to be. It was gentle, and careful.

And, then it wasn't.

It became rough, and dominating as her hands moved to my shoulders, trying to push me away, while her lips continued to move against mine, and my hands wrapped themselves around her wrists to stop her struggles that weren't really there.

Everything I used to feel, and still felt if I was honest with myself, washed over my body in waves. It was so overpowering that my knees began to shake. Ashley must have noticed this, because she stopped pushing on my shoulders and moved her hands to my hips, pulling me impossibly closer to her.

Clothes began to come off, and hands began to travel, quickly followed by lips, and somehow, I was on my back on the couch, holding Ashley as tightly as I could while she pushed her thigh between my legs.

_If I don't hold on now  
Everything fades and slips away  
Tomorrow's another start  
But it looks like every day_

"Ashley," I whispered as my hand moved to stroke away stray hairs that had matted themselves against her face and neck. She made a noise that sounded somewhere between a moan and a grumble, and nuzzled her face further into my neck. I wanted to let her sleep. Words could never explain how much I wanted to stay exactly as we were, tangled in each other, and falling asleep in each other's arms. But, there was something I needed to talk about, and if I didn't do it then, I knew I never would, and things would just go back to the way they were. "Come on, Ashley," I urged.

She grumbled again and raised her head to look at me, bringing her hand to stroke my cheek softly. When she looked at me, I melted. She looked at me the way she used to, before all the shit happened between us. I hadn't seen her look at me like that for a long time.

"You were right. I don't know anything," I said.

Her brow furrowed, trying to make sense of my random statement. "What are you talking about?"

"When you found out about the coke," I started to explain, running my hand up and down her bare back, hoping to keep her calm. "You said I didn't know anything. You're right. I don't. You never told me."

She moved to get up. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about this, but I just wrapped my arms tighter around her, refusing to let her go. "Ashley, I need you to talk to me. I need you tell me what happened when you ODed, and about rehab. I need to know."

Again, she looked at me for a while, studying my face and my eyes to see if I was serious. After what seemed like an eternity, she nestled back into me, sighing.

"Okay."

_It's like a tidal wave  
That wants to take the stars  
A hurricane  
That wrapped around my heart  
If I could find a way  
I'd make a brand new start  
I can't believe  
It was the calm that killed the storm_


	10. Chapter 10

**Review Section**

_Krackerkat: Here you go! I'm finishing it. Well, almost._

_Darksideme: Hey, now. I read all of my reviews. I'm glad I could do all of those things for you. I would offer up some advice, but I'm not sure it would do much good. But, hey, in this chapter, Ashley faces her past. Maybe you can, too._

_.ashes.rising.: Aw, original alignments? That's so boring. I wouldn't be me without inflicting a little bit of torture… you know you liked it._

_Myung: Yes, there is talking. Finally._

**Author's Notes**

_Yay, last chapter! Well, if you don't count the epilogue. This has been a long time coming. I'm so glad to see this (almost) finished. It's been a long, hard road, but I managed to get there._

**Disclaimer**

_Yeah, yeah… I don't own them. Yeah… that's shocking._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Chapter Ten**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Ashley walked through the bleak, grey halls of the rehab center. Everything was grey. Maybe the doctors and nurses were afraid that color would cause a relapse, but she was itching to get coked up just to liven the place up a bit._

_The first week and a half wasn't difficult. She had arrived with a conviction to get herself cleaned up, and it didn't look like that conviction was going to waver anytime soon. At least, until the withdrawal started to set in._

_First came the cravings. That was okay. Her conviction to get clean, and the fact that there simply wasn't any around was enough to get her through that. After a time, however, she noticed a change in her behavior. She was irritable, and lashed out at anyone trying to help her, and had even managed to convince herself that the doctors were all out to get her._

_It was only after her moods began to shift violently that she decided to ask for help; some kind of medicine to help stabilize her moods, and make her less jumpy. The response was always the same. A simple head shake was all she ever got. Her request wasn't even dignified by a verbal rejection._

_Her therapy was a living hell, both single and group sessions. She was the youngest in her group, and all she ever heard from her "peers" was how she was just a whiny, spoiled brat. She supposed this was true. After all, she hadn't turned to drugs for some kind of release from her life. She didn't feel trapped. She had just used coke to feel good._

_Her one-on-one sessions were much of the same. At first, her therapist worked diligently with her, trying to find the cause of the drug addiction. There was none, and he eventually just stopped listening. She wasn't saying anything of importance anyway._

_Still, she talked. She talked more and more as the time went on. She fell into a deep depression, and thought it was the only way to keep her head above water, even if no one was listening, or even cared._

_Sleep had become her best friend. She supposed it was one of the depression symptoms and that she should fight it, but she just didn't care. It felt good to sleep for hours on end, and just… not live._

_Then, even that was taken away. She became restless and spent her nights walking around the rehab center. At least she wasn't alone. There were other random recoveries doing the same thing. She never spoke to them, but just being in their presence was enough to keep her from going insane._

* * *

I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I just couldn't talk anymore. I wanted to tell her about how much I thought about her, and missed her, and needed her in those days, but I just couldn't. The memories flooding back came at me like blows, and I just couldn't take it.

So, I cried. I let everything out, and clung to Spencer as though she was the only thing keeping me alive. Maybe she was.

And, Spencer. Oh, Spencer. I couldn't believe the way I had been treating her. She didn't deserve any of it. Yet, there she was, holding me just the way I needed to be held, and stroking my hair, and whispering something in my ear that I couldn't quite make out. It didn't matter. It calmed me down, anyway.

"I didn't know," she said, as I calm down a bit and look up at her. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

How could she have known? She couldn't. I never told her. "I should've told you," I said, shaking my head.

This had the potential to turn into one of those "My-fault-no-my-fault" kind of fights, so I did the only thing I could think of to keep that from happening. I kissed her. I kissed her, and I was reminded of the first time, because it was so gentle, and sweet. It was everything we used to be before we screwed it up so bad.

For the first time, I believed we'd be okay.


	11. Epilogue

**Author's Notes**

_This has been a long time coming. I'm finally finished. No, I mean it this time. This is a short one, but it definitely brings closure. See you around, guys._

**Anatomy Of A Tidal Wave**

**Epilogue: The End Of Heartache**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

_Spencer bounced on the balls of her feet outside of the tiny auditorium inside the music building reserved for semester recitals and juries. She couldn't hear much coming from inside due to the scurrying of her fellow students. She wondered if this building was ever quiet. Probably not._

_She backed away from the door as it opened and Ashley walked out, pointing to a random student, and letting them inside. Spencer couldn't read anything from Ashley's face and it irked her. "So?" she asked, as Ashley grabbed a cracker from the refreshment table and took a nibble._

_It wasn't until they were back outside; heading to their apartment that Ashley said anything. "I think I nailed it," she exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. Spencer knew that most of Ashley's private lesson grade rested on the jury she had just performed. She wasn't entirely sure about what happened in a jury, but from what she gathered, Ashley had to sing something picked by Dr. Rizner in front of all the music professors._

"_When will you know for sure?"_

"_She wants me to come by tomorrow. God, I can't believe she actually made me sing all those scales. Other people had regular jury assignments. Not me." Ashley had been struggling with the assignment Dr. Rizner gave her at the start of the semester, but it seemed all her hard work would pay off._

_They made it back to their apartment; arms linked together, and started to pack a few more boxes. "We made it through another semester," breathed Spencer._

"_Yeah, who would have though?" asked Ashley, still grinning and tossing something haphazardly into a box._

_Spencer walked over and snaked her arms around Ashley waist, leaving a small kiss on her shoulder. "You sure you want to come to Ohio with me? My mom can be a little crazy."_

_Ashley turned around and traced the outline of Spencer's face with the pad of her finger. "Have you already forgotten about last summer? Winter break's only for a month. I think I can handle Mama C."_

_Spencer smiled, and licked her lips, gently taking Ashley's hand in hers. Without a word, they drifted into Ashley's bedroom._


End file.
